PARRAMATTA – This was a gruelling year as a Risk & Compliance Officer at the Administration team of PingusCorp. There was a lot of reckless spending and my cost risk analysis were not reviewed by the higher-ups.
A large risk that I pointed out was stating not to invest $800,000 on Copilot as the team are really smart and don’t need a substandard AI-chatbot to complicate things for them. The board didn’t listen. Investing in those data centres in Latvia was also a questionable expenditure, and I did my due diligence to point out that there’s no clear path to profit.
These were some of the bigger costs I had to justify because the Board told me to. Not forgetting the smaller purchases that the CEO and CFO asked me to justify, including hiring a private jet for a conference in Cancun, and paying off the worker that lost an arm when they were asked to fix the industrial guillotine in the stationery cupboard.
All these events culminated in staff receiving a memo on the 23rd December stating that due to a tough year there will be no Christmas bonuses. The memo was dictated by the CEO who was in his holiday house in Byron Bay where he worked from home since the start of the month. The memo went further to blame staff for not using Copilot to its fullest extent and thus putting the blame on us.
After watching National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation this weekend with my family I came to the conclusion that Clark Grisworld is extremely lucky to have a large house that can accommodate family members, where we have a 2-bedder in Parramatta that costs us $780 a week where the black mould makes us dizzy. Clark also receives a one-year membership to the Jelly of the Month Club. We received an ominous warning that if we don’t make up for lost productivity on Christmas Eve in early January that our position may not be guaranteed by the next quarter.
Happy holidays indeed.