SYDNEY – The Executive team of Pingus & Associates finished another gruelling financial year on a high. Their portfolios have never looked healthier, their share price is up 22% YoY and they have successfully outsourced their call centres to some exotic location where the first language isn’t English.
CEO Darren Robertson praised the fear that the senior management team put into their workers by making comments about restructuring and reviewing staff priorities and reminding them that AI may take over certain roles.
With such threats the team went above and beyond by working late nights and exceeding KPIs. This in turn led to an increase in market share with the profits going into the Exec team’s pockets.
As they were celebrating at the Italian villa they rented for the week, after attending their friend Mr. Bezos’ wedding, they were each gifted with a 7-figure bonus for a job well done.
They then admitted this was due to the hard work of the team, but not before dialling into a Zoom call and announcing that 20% of them were getting laid off.
This announcement led the share price to rise by 6%.
More to come.